1. You never win an argument, because you always start crying before you get to make your point.
Making a point through tears is really hard.
Making a point through tears is really hard.
2. And you always look insincere when you cry about other people’s problems.
If anyone talks to you about why they’re sad, you’re guaranteed to cry in their face.
If anyone talks to you about why they’re sad, you’re guaranteed to cry in their face.
3. Because seeing someone else crying is guaranteed to make you cry.
Even if it’s not appropriate, you can’t help it.
4. But seeing someone else really happy can make you cry too.
5. You’re an expert at feeling your eyes prickle, and then not blinking until you get to the loo.
You may even be able to hold a no-blink conversation on the way to the loo.
6. People being nice to you when you’re crying just makes it worse.
But screeching, «Don’t be nice to me!» makes you look like a psychopath.
7. And hugging you when you’re weeping just sets you off even more.
Also then your tears get on their clothes, and that’s always very awkward.
8. But the worst is when you’ve been crying, but you think you’re done, so you dry your eyes and get on with your day. But then someone asks, «Are you OK?»
9. If you’re drunk, you’re a million times more likely to cry than normal.
Basically, you can’t drink without crying at some point.
10. But you know that hungover crying is even worse than drunk crying.
The only way to stop hungover crying is by eating a lot of carbs.
11. And the most annoying type of cry is the frustrated cry.
Crying because you can’t remember your internet banking log-in is pointless, but you can’t help it.
12. You’ve never made it through the sad bit of a TV show or film without bawling your eyes out.
13. And there are loads of songs that make you burst into tears the moment they come on.
This is extremely dangerous if you’re drunk and in a nightclub.
14. But nothing is as risky as reading a sad book before you go to bed.
15. Except a wedding. There is no part of you that can handle a wedding.
Weddings r cool bc u can cry in public about other stuff as long as u look in the general direction of the bride + groom
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) October 18, 2014
And you don’t cry delicately at weddings; you snotty cry.
16. You always carry tissues around with you.
You’ve taken tissues from strangers enough times to know that it’s necessary.
17. And, if you wear makeup, you always opt for waterproof mascara.
18. Every time you get told off at work, even if it’s for the most minor thing, you cry.
You know it doesn’t look professional, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
19. And reading sad news at your desk never fails to get you.
20. But sometimes you don’t even know why you’re crying.
Sorry Im late i was in the parking lot crying
— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) May 14, 2014
This is the most confusing type of cry.
21. And you can never get to sleep if you suspect someone you spoke to in the daytime seemed a bit down.
22. But hey, at least you’re very in touch with your emotions.
Even if you do sometimes see someone who ~might~ be sad on the bus, imagine their whole life story, and then cry when you get home.
