1. Call your dog by a nickname more often than you use their actual name.
2. Have several varieties of that nickname that get weirder and weirder as time goes on.
3. Make up songs about your dog.
4. Or put their name into songs that are already popular.
5. Lie on the floor to see what they would do if you fainted.
6. Feel disappointed if they don’t do anything.
7. Do a photo shoot of your dog every time they fall asleep.
8. Hold their paws because the paw pads are all squidgy.
9. Stare at them and wonder what they’re thinking…
10. …like if they KNOW you’re their owner…
11. …and whether they like you.
12. Say their name in different voices to see how they react.
13. Feel offended if nobody asks to pet your dog when you take them out for a walk.
14. Show them what they look like on your phone front camera.
15. Try to show them what they look like in the mirror.
16. Be shocked that they’re «nude» whenever you take their collar off.
17. Remember important milestones in your dog’s life better than you remember your own.
18. Flip your dog’s ears back and compliment them on their hairstyle.
19. But laugh when their ear is accidentally flipped back because they don’t know they look silly.
20. Feel upset when your dog sits by someone else other than you.
21. Point at the TV whenever dogs are on to see their reaction.
22. Think every dog that’s the same breed as yours could be a distant relative.
23. Say “bless you” when they sneeze.
24. Avoid getting up to do something because it would mean your dog has to move from their comfy position.
25. Ask to be put on the phone to your dog when you’re away from them.
26. Pet them with your feet when you can’t be bothered to pet them with your hands.
27. Try to trick your dog when they won’t give you the ball during fetch, by acting like you don’t want it anyway.
28. Feel proud when your dog pees outside even though they’ve been housetrained for ages.
29. Say that your dog “made a friend today” every time they spend more than 10 seconds with another dog.
30. Drop a little bit of food on the floor and debate whether you should clean it up or let your living-vacuum dog get to it first.
31. And talk to them in a baby voice that you’d be embarrassed if anyone else ever heard.
32. Especially when you use it to say random words to them, like “moosey woo woo is a snoo”.
33. Put off a socialising thing because you’d rather be at home with them.
34. Warm your hands on their belly or armpits.
35. And call your dog a baby no matter how old and big they get.
