A relationship is like a sheet of paper: if you damage it once, you’ll never be able to return it to the way it was before, no matter how hard you try. So it pays to think seriously about everything that we say. Something which may seem inoffensive to the person who said it might seriously upset the person it was said to. Here are nine things you should never say to anyone.
1. ’That’s not my job’; ’I don’t get paid to do that’
These are the most common pretexts for refusing to do work. In 99 percent of cases they will make your boss irritated and show them that you are indifferent to your work. Thus, it would be better to say, ’I have a lot of things to do today. Which of them should I do first?’
2. ’I don’t have time to talk to you’; ’I’m busy’
Such answers indicate a poor upbringing. It would be much better to say something like this: ’I’m sorry, but I’ve got an urgent meeting starting soon which I have to go to. Let’s call each other and discuss your problem another time,’ or: ’Let’s discuss this in an hour: I have to finish something first.’
3. ’This may sound stupid, but…’
This ’conversational gambit’ calls into question the validity of all the things that you’re going to say right from the start. Don’t allow yourself to use this phrase!
4. ’No offence, but…’
This sounds like a warning that the next thing you’re going to say is going to be unpleasant. So you end up letting the person you’re talking to interpret what you’re about to say as insulting. As soon as you feel that this phrase is about to pass your lips — change the subject!
5. ’You got bigger!’; ’You lost weight!’
A person’s weight or physical appearance can be a sensitive issue for many. It’s often hard for someone to accept the changes which happen to their body, so comments of this kind, even if they’re intended as a joke or even a compliment, may spoil their mood and create a conflict. It’s much better to just say: ’You look great!’
6. ’You look great for your age’
This phrase simply serves as a reminder of a person’s age, and can very often sound like you’re really trying to say, ’In comparison with other old people you look OK.’ Again, it’s better just to say, ’You look great.’
7. ’You are your usual self!’ ’Typical!’
Try not to apply labels to people. Instead of phrases likely to cause conflict by alluding to someone’s personality, try saying something like: ’It annoys me that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do to avoid such situations?’ Because you added the pronoun ’I’, you draw attention to your own feelings, and not to the idea that your partner’s behaviour is bad. This will be an incentive for them to overcome the thing which upsets you.
8. ’If you really loved me, you would…’
Saying this phrase, you don’t just manipulate someone emotionally, but also let them know that you don’t like their attitude towards you. This will hardly contribute to creating a strong bond between you. It’s better to say, ’I would feel better if we could…’ The best way to preserve a constructive relationship is to just explain why you’re upset, and then offer a solution.
9. ’You’re too good for him’; ’I’m glad you got rid of her’
Even if you genuinely want to console someone after they’ve broken up with a partner, he or she may interpret this phrase as an insult to their taste in others, as well as evidence of their difficulties in making relationships work. Instead of this, just say: ’It’s their loss’ — this will always be taken much more positively and expresses your compassion for what they’re feeling.
