1. “Tired face”
Apple: “Aw, come on.”
Samsung: “I grow weary. The feel the light drain within me. Go on, I am ash.”
2. “Smiling face with halo”
Apple: “Hehe, I’m so innocent.”
Samsung: “Hello father I was a good boy today can I please have some chocolatey pudding?”
3. “Grimacing face”
Apple: “Yikes!”
Samsung: “SHARK BAIT OOH HA HA!”
4. “Confounded face”
Apple: “That sounds terrible!”
Samsung: “Sweet death, please release me.”
5. “Face with rolling eyes”
Apple: “Ugh.”
Samsung: “What? I wasn’t listening. A butterfly floated by while you were talking.”
6. “Face with stuck-out tongue”
Apple: “Haha, crazy, right?”
Samsung: [the sounds of techno beats and an acid-fueled dream sequence]
7. “Face screaming in fear”
Apple: “Omg so scary!”
Samsung: “Death becomes me.”
8. “Winking face”
Apple: “Riiiight?”
Samsung: “ARE YOU *WINKS* CATCHING *WINKS* MY DRIFT? *WINKS* EH?”
9. “Face with stuck-out tongue and closed eyes.”
Apple: “Haha, yuck!”
Samsung: “I ate a bad oyster and I can already feel it sliding back up my throat. One sec—” *dry heaving noises*
10. “Smiling face with heart-shaped eyes”
Apple: “SO cute!”
Samsung: “Please be my bride.”
11. “Drooling face”
Apple: “Mmmm”
Samsung: “I…didn’t expect them to be so…firm…”
12. “Disappointed but relieved face.”
Apple: “Oh shit, close one!”
Samsung: “Please pass my inhaler. It’s in the medicine cabinet next to the extra-sensitive condoms.”
13. “Disappointed face”
Apple: “Oh no! How sad!”
Samsung: “I don’t know, dude. Sounds like he deserved it.”
14. “Astonished face”
Apple: “Ohhh, no way!”
Samsung: “THIS INFORMATION HAS INSULTED THREE GENERATIONS OF MY FAMILY AND YOU BETTER BACK AWAY SLOWLY BEFORE THE VEIN IN MY FOREHEAD ERUPTS LIKE KRAKATOA.”
15. “Crying face”
Apple: “Aw.”
Samsung: “I’M SORRY I’M JUST, LIKE, HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME RIGHT NOW.”
16. “Loudly crying face”
Apple: “I’m crying!”
Samsung: “THE AGONY OF EXISTENCE IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR.”
17. “Anguished face”
Apple: “Sounds awful!”
Samsung: “Pass that Dutch.”
18. “Fearful face”
Apple: “Close one!”
Samsung: “I literally pooped a little.”
19. “Weary face”
Apple: “Aw, man.”
Samsung: “You are so boring. Do you know how boring you are? You are the most boring.”
20. “Flushed face”
Apple: “I’m embarrassed.”
Samsung: “Sorry, I looked into the sun for a second and now all I can see is purple circles.”
21. “Angry face”
Apple: “Well that sucks!”
Samsung: “I say we kill ‘em.”
22. “Imp”
Apple: “Very uncool.”
Samsung: “What time is the rave, Trent?”
23. “Ghost”
Apple: “Haha, boo!”
Samsung: “I have seen the darkness and I no longer fear the other side.”
