One day in 1955, a father got home after an exhausting day of work and just wanted to watch the boxing match without having to put up with children screaming or doing household chores. But on this day, his wife couldn’t take it any longer and left him. His world fell apart when he was left alone with his children. These were his words:
«My dear,
Two days ago we had a big fight. I got home tired from work. It was 8pm and all I wanted to do was sit and watch the match.
When I saw you, you were exhausted and in a bad mood. The children were fighting and the baby was crying while you were trying to put him to sleep.
I just turned up the TV volume.
‘It wouldn’t kill you to help out a bit and get more involved in your children’s upbringing,’ you told me upset while you turned down the TV volume.
I replied angrily: ‘I have spent the whole day working so you can stay at home playing with the doll’s house.’
The argument went on and on. You cried because you were angry and tired. I said cruel things to you. You shouted, saying you couldn’t take it any longer. You stormed out of the house crying and left me alone with the children.
I had to feed the children dinner and get them ready for bed. The next day you still hadn’t come back and I had to ask my boss for the day off to stay and look after the kids.
I experienced the tantrums and cries.
I experienced having to run around all day not having a moment free to even take a bath.
I experienced having to heat the milk, get a child dressed and clean the kitchen, all at the same time.
I experienced being locked up the whole day without speaking to anyone over 10 years old.
I experienced not being able to sit nicely at a table to enjoy a relaxed meal in my own time, for the sake of having to run after a child.
I experienced being so mentally and physically exhausted that all I wanted to do was sleep straight through for 20 hours solid, but had to wake up three hours after falling asleep because the baby was crying.
I lived two days and two nights in your shoes and I can tell you, I get it.
I get your tiredness.
I get that being a mom is a constant sacrifice.
I get that it is more exhausting than being among company big shots for 10 hours and making financial decisions.
I get the frustration of giving up your profession and economic freedom so you can be there for your children.
I get the uncertainty that your economic security doesn’t depend on you any longer, but on your partner.
I get the sacrifices you make by not going out with your friends, doing exercise or sleeping through the night.
I get how difficult it can be, being locked up and having to look after children while feeling you are missing out on what’s going on outside.
I also get that you become upset when my mom criticizes your way of bringing up our children, because nobody knows what is best for the children like their own mother.
I get that being a mom means carrying the biggest load of society. The one that nobody appreciates, values or remunerates.
I write you this letter not only to let you know that I miss you, but also because I don’t want another day to go by without my telling you:
‘You are very brave, are doing it great and I admire you.'»
Well, thank goodness times have moved on and (for the most part) couples are sharing the responsibilities of earning money for the household as well as raising the kids. It must have been frustrating to have lived in a time when women had no choices and were unappreciated for the important work they did. Can we all have a great big cheer for the women’s movement?
