My dear husband,
I’m writing this letter to say that I’m leaving you. I was a good wife all these 7 years and have never received anything in return. The previous two weeks were torturing, but the final straw was the call of your boss who said that you had resigned.
Last week you came home and saw neither my manicure, nor my new hairstyle. Nothing! You didn’t notice that I made your favorite dish for dinner and bought a new negligee. You spent 2 minutes eating, watched a game and went to bed. You no longer say that you love me; you never even touch me. I don’t know if you really stopped loving me or just pretend so, but I’m leaving.
P.S. If you want to find me just know that I went to West Virginia with your brother.
Good luck! Your ex-wife.
And here is her husband’s answer…
My dear ex-wife,
Nothing could have pleased me more than your letter. I agree, we were married for 7 years, but all these years you were far from the idea of perfect wife. I watched games to stop hearing your endless grunt and whining. Too bad it didn’t work too well. I saw that you hair was cut, but the first thing that crossed my mind was: “You look like a man.” So I didn’t say anything. Mom taught me to keep quiet if I can’t say anything nice. As for my favorite meal, you’ve probably confused me with my brother. I don’t eat pork for 7 years. I saw your negligee, but it left me cool because the $ 49 price tag was hanging there. I only hoped it had nothing to do with the fact that my brother asked me to borrow him 50 bucks just a day before.
Even after all that I love you and I believe that we could have survived it all. That is why I quit and bought us two tickets to Jamaica as soon as I found out that I won the lottery and got 10 million dollars. I thought we could start all over again. But when I got home, I found your letter. Well, probably everything happens for a reason. I hope that you will be happy in your new life. My lawyer said that because of your letter you will not be able to pull even a penny out of my money.
P.S. I don’t know if anyone ever told you, but my brother Carl was born Carla. I hope it doesn’t embarrass you.
Your husband!
