When you’re an attractive person in this world, it’s not all sunshine and puppies, okay?
There are some definite negative consequences that come with being beautiful and today we’re going to discuss one of the worst: All the normals that try to hit on you because you’re just so darn attractive!
What follows is a list of the most tested and proven methods for a quick exit. Welcome, my fellow hotties, to How To Curve 101!
1. The easiest method: be engaged/married!
This method works most of the time, but it’s not guaranteed. There are some players out there who will persist despite the (often false) claim of having a significant other.
2. This one hinges on the stupidity of the recipient!
Now, for the most part, you can probably fool a good amount of people with this technique…but it’s not going to work on everyone. Some are smarter than others.
3. Savage superhero references are really VENOMous, amirite?
If you’re going to use this method, you need to really know your superhero movies. If not, then you get yourself into a whole other discussion.
4. Straight up, though, what’s with the bubble-beard?
And why did you send that first pic as a tease? To avoid future entanglements, don’t let yourself get caught up in the game—just stay away!
5. When the ex gets a little too confident!
Using a witty comeback can often produce the results you’re looking for. But there are times when you’re going to have to try a little harder than just a simple «bye.»
6. I said «someone,» not «you!»
This technique is very direct and to the point. But when you put yourself out there in the first place, you need to have some strong shutdowns ready for the overeager.
7. A nice morning stroll sounds lovely!
Keeping it in the friend realm is a technique that is often deployed when you don’t fully want to let go but you’re not willing to commit. Usually because there may be a better option just around the corner.
8. Technical difficulties…
You don’t need to turn the focus on anyone with this technique. Instead, you simply blame the technology for the miscommunication and all should be good. But this is a one-time-only use!
9. Women LOVE an educated man!
This type of messaging can be pretty subtle so don’t be surprised if the persistent keep coming back at you with more attempts. You’d hope they’d learn after the first time.
10. Having «bucketz» in your name is never a smart move, bruh!
This isn’t the most convincing technique but it gets the point across loud and clear. But if this doesn’t work, you can always switch back over to Facebook.
11. The honest, ugly, soul-crushing truth! Pour one out for my guy…
Now, we’re really getting down to the straight-up messaging you’ll need for those never-give-up type. It may seem harsh, but it gets the job done.
12. «Lord Jesus, grant me strength!»
If they don’t back off after deploying this technique, you could always go the other way and start practicing voodoo. It’s the whole offensive-defense strategy that’s working these days.
13. That is one JUICY curve, amirite?
Hey, you give them what they ask for and they shouldn’t have any complaints, right? The only thing you need to worry about with this method is that they’ll probably keep coming back for more.
14. Outdated AND salty…damn!
We love this technique because it’s been tried, tested, and proven to work time and time again. There’s no need to create elaborate stories, you just need to hit them with the truth.
15. *Jaws theme*
This is a great method but you need to be careful who you use this one with. Most won’t be smart enough to pick up what you’re laying down. They might actually just ask for more pics. So proceed with caution.
16. I ain’t leaving here without curving somebody…ANYBODY!
Sometimes, you just need to get in there and let people know (before they come at you) that you’re not fooling around. Crack the whip at whoever comes your way and you should be safe.
17. Didn’t linger around long enough for it to get awkward!
This method combines two different techniques: The technical problem with the witty return. This is approaching an upper-level curve that requires a bit more skill. Don’t worry, practice makes perfect.
18. The unnecessary, overly dramatic girl curve!
Sometimes, things can get out of hand quickly. Be sure you’re getting the right message to the right person. If not, things can backfire pretty quickly.
19. Not since they started putting all the letters with it and whatnot!
Here’s a basic rule: If someone starts randomly asking you about your math skills (or any other skills, for that matter), you should just shut the convo down immediately.
20. The preemptive curve!
Sometimes, you can see the attempt coming your way. In those cases, techniques like this will save you a lot of unnecessary back and forth. «Stop it before they drop it,» that’s what I say.
21. Is Avril Lavigne really in any position to even ASSIST in a curve? Really?
If you think it can work, you can always try using random quotes from songs, movies, or TV shows to help get the point across.
22. The classics still hold up today, it’s true, for women…
It doesn’t always require words to get the message out there. A well-placed glance (or meme) can speak louder than anything you can type out.
23. And for men! All hail Han «Shot First» Solo!
Once again, in this day and age, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. And sometimes the best way to get the message out there is to let someone else do the talking for you.
Now that we’ve covered all the ways you can curve the creeps out, there is one final lesson that you need to know. It’s the most important lesson of all. You’ve got to play it cool at all times.
